GOLDEN BEAR BERLIN FILM FESTIVAL 1972
The window that once glowed bright
Has gone dark
A sign that my beloved
is unwell
Her sister comes to the window
And tells me
"Your beloved is dead
And buried"
She always lamented
That she slept alone
Now she sleeps
In the arms of Death
- After you. - No, please. I insist.
No, Mr. Chaucer. I wouldn't dream of it.
It's nothing, sir.
Nothing, my ass! You almost knocked me out!
Your nose is like a bludgeon!
Just joking. I hope I didn't offend you.
Ah, but between a jest and a joke,
many a truth can be told.
I may be a bit chubby - I can't deny that -
but I don't mind in the least.
I'm so skilled in the art of weaving
that I put all those bitches in Ypres and Ghent to shame.
In all modesty - Shit! Oh, beg your pardon.
Anyway, there's no one better than me
for gathering collections in church, all modesty aside.
And should any woman try to challenge me,
I'll make her rue the day she was born!
I'll eat the little darling alive!
Thrice I went to Jerusalem
Then I went to Rome, Santiago di Compostela,
Galicia, and Cologne.
I'm no spring chicken,
but I know how to laugh,
and, more importantly, how to make others laugh.
I also know all sorts of remedies for love's ills,
just between you and me, lads.
Because, my darlings, I know that old dance of love...
Good folks, I come bearing indulgences piping-hot from Rome.
And here's a piece of the Virgin's veil,
and a strip of Saint Peter's sail
when he sailed on the sea,
before Christ called him
and taught him to walk on water.
Radix malorum est cupiditas.
Greed is the root of all evil.
Don't be miserly. Come and buy.
Buy, buy...
Nowhere do the Gospels command virginity.
Besides, what were the genitals made for?
Not just to lie there dormant.
And don't tell me they were made just for pissing!
I think they have a variety of uses.
Why else would scripture speak of a man's debt to his wife?
Ladies and gentlemen...
your attention, please.
Silence, please.
Gentle folk...
truly I welcome you
from the bottom of my heart,
for I swear
that in all these years I never saw so fine a company.
You take the path to Canterbury. Good luck.
God protect you,
and may the holy blessed martyrs reward you.
But vast experience has taught me
that on such a long journey
you may become dreadfully bored,
so here is some friendly advice.
To lighten the journey,
let each of you tell a tale on your way to Canterbury.
I shall keep the count and be your guide as well,
accompanying you at my own expense
until you reach Canterbury.
Do all agree?
Listen!
I have decided to take a wife.
No other life is worth a bean.
I'm convinced of it. Marriage is paradise.
When a man is old,
he should take a fair young wife
to beget an heir...
and live a life of pleasure.
All learned men agree on this.
Only a few disagree, of whom Theophrastus was one.
But who gives a damn if Theophrastus enjoys telling lies?
Therefore arrange for my marriage promptly,
for I do not wish to wait.
But I warn you, dear friends:
On no account will I take an old wife, for I say
"Old fish and young flesh."
I'll have no woman of 30.
No, that's but straw and fodder!
A woman trained in many schools is half a scholar,
and I don't care for scholars!
Fuck off.
What pretty figures and pretty faces!
By God...
what lovely neighbors the Lord has provided!
It's only a question of choosing.
Eh, why not?
May!
May...
Better not.
But then again...
yes.
Brothers...
come here!
Come quickly!
No longer need you search on foot and on horseback.
I've made my decision, and I won't turn back.
I have found my mate,
the firm foundation of my happiness!
I've chosen May.
Come, brothers. Draw up a marriage contract
and publish the banns!
My heart needs peace!
My brother, I feel in my heart
a deep pity that tonight
I must do harm to her.
I fear she will not
bear up under my assaults.
God forbid that I should use
all my might.
I wish all these guests were gone, damn it!
Enough eating! Let the dancing begin!
Get on with it.
Hurry up, Father.
Father, move it along.
Go away, all of you!
Go on, get out!
Alas, now I must trespass against you, my little spouse,
and make you suffer before our moment of pleasure.
But remember
that no craftsman in the world
can do his best work hastily.
But I don't care how long our sport takes us.
We have all the time we want.
Yes, my little wife,
we have the law of God and man on our side.
I'm ready!
I did it!
"My dir May I luv yoo with all my hart
and if yoo don't make luv to me I shall die"
Best to rest now. It's almost day.
I'm a bit weary. That's twice, you know.
You'll see, my Columbine, how fair a garden!
Not even the author of The Romance of the Rose
could describe the beauty of my garden.
Now summers come again,
and from now on only in this garden
will I pay you my debt as a husband.
No one but I may enter this garden.
I allow no one to hold the key
but myself alone, understand?
I keep it with me always.
May, come.
Undress and come lie beside me.
"Dear Damiano I love yu to with ol my harte.
I'll hav a kee to the garden mayd and we can mayk love there"
Help!
Help me!
I'm blind, you imbeciles!
- Get a doctor! - You hear me?
I'm blind!
May, help me! I'm blind!
May, where are you?
Ah, there you are.
Where are you running off to?
I've got you now.
I can't see you, but I'll never let you go.
Everyone out!
I don't want any of you!
Leave me alone with my May!
Everybody out, I said!
Go away!
Get out!
Out of my sight!
Go away!
Out, all of you!
Lead me to my garden.
Ah, my garden
that I shall never see again!
Poor January, led off to be deceived,
but not all will be to his ill,
because the very moment his wife is to dishonor him,
I'll give him back his sight to see her treachery.
Of course you can if you wish,
but in that case I'll teach her the words to save herself.
Don't be angry. I surrender.
But I am a king, and a king must keep his word.
And you know I am a queen,
and I too will keep my word.
I tell you only so you'll not be angry with me.
- Are we there, my love? - Yes.
Come now, stretch out on the grass,
my sweet little wife...
little body sweeter than wine, and eyes of a dove -
My belly!
I so long to eat those lovely mulberries up in the tree!
My sweet, fruitful wife,
there is no boy here to climb the tree,
and I am old and blind.
It doesn't matter. Come over here.
I beg you, be careful, my dear.
Do not hurt yourself.
That's it. Very good.
I'd give my very heart's blood to help you.
Are the mulberries good and ripe?
Eat, my child.
Eat your fill.
My eyes!
I can see!
Help!
What are you doing, you filthy slut?
You can see!
It's a miracle!
I'm so happy.
I saw you!
That man was taking you!
I saw you with my own eyes
up in that tree!
You're dazed, sir!
Your eyes played tricks on you as your vision returned.
Your jealousy made you see phantoms.
Oh, husband, your sight is restored.
Let us thank God for this miracle.
You're right, little wife.
Let's forget everything. Come along.
And may the Lord forgive me if ever I thought ill of you.
You're even more beautiful than I remembered,
my sweetest May.
Come.
Listen.
One moment.
Virgin Mary!
Behind the market, along Fish Street,
Not the old market, but the new one,
at the end of Fish Street.
I found two of them.
My friend, for your wife's sake I'll cross you out of our black book.
No need to tremble like that.
You got away with it this time.
I'm your friend. I want to help you.
How much did you say you'd give me? - Three hundred! Four!
Take it all!
Just don't denounce me for lechery, for the love of God!
So...
you swear by Christ you haven't one copper coin to give me?
It's the truth, my lord. I swear!
Friend, I'm doing this for your sake.
I'm a poor man, sir.
Have mercy on me.
You must ask the judge for mercy.
You're fried, my friend.
Fritters.
Just a moment!
Just a minute! We're coming!
Excellent work, my dear friend.
You do yourself much honor.
I have new matters to entrust you with.
Hail, and well met, sir!
Welcome, and good company. Do you ride far today?
No, nearby, to collect rent due my master.
So you're a rent collector?
So am I.
But I'm a stranger here. I know no one in these parts.
I pray you: Be my friend and brother.
On my word of honor.
Give me your hand.
Let us swear to be brothers 'til the day we die.
I swear.
Brother, where is your district, in case someday
I should visit there and need you?
It's far away in the north country,
but I hope to see you there,
and soon.
Brother, since we're both rent collectors,
teach me one trick of the trade to earn more money.
Forget about "conscience" and "sin."
Speak frankly, as one brother to another.
Don't worry about that.
My wages are so small, and I have to manage somehow,
so I live by extortion and blackmail.
So do I.
Without extortion and blackmail I couldn't survive.
I know neither pity nor conscience.
By God, we were made to meet.
But tell me: What is your name?
Brother, do you really want to know?
I am a devil, and hell is my home.
I ride hereabouts to earn a living, just as you do.
You cheat without the slightest scruple, just as I do.
I would keep you good company
until you forsake me.
Even if you're the devil himself, I'll keep our bargain.
Aren't we both out for profit?
We could share what we make.
That is, you can take all that men wish to give you.
Agreed. You'll take your part,
while I'll take all that men wish to give me.
Brother, here lives an old woman
who'd as soon lose her neck as part with a penny.
But I'll have twelve pence off her
by threatening to summon her to court,
though God knows she's innocent of the slightest offense.
Watch how we do things around here...
and learn.
God save you, sires,
and what can I do for you?
I have a summons here.
On pain of excommunication,
you're to appear tomorrow before the archdeacon
and answer to the court regarding certain matters.
I'm sure you know what I mean.
Twelve pence and I'll see you're acquitted.
Where will I find twelve pence, holy Mother of God?
I swear I've never had or even seen twelve pence in all my life.
Have pity on this poor old woman, sir!
Pay or I'll take that pitcher
as payment for the fine I paid on your behalf
when you cuckolded your poor husband.
Lies! I've never been summoned before any court!
And never was I but of my body true!
But your body I'd give to the devil, and my pitcher too!
Kind woman and dear mother...
were you in earnest
when you spoke those words?
Yes, let the devil take him alive,
pitcher and all, unless he repents!
Repent?
That is not my intent, you old hag.
I've no intention of repenting for what I take from you,
no matter what happens.
Brother, don't be angry.
This pitcher and your body
are mine by right.
This very night you shall come with me to hell...
where you shall learn more of our secrets
than any master of divinity.
NOTES FOR A BOOK ABOUT THE PILGRIMS' TALES
ON THE WAY TO CANTERBURY
THE COOK'S TALE
Get out!
Be gone, you wretched scoundrel!
You'll freeload off me no longer!
Never show your face around here again,
you bastard!
Get out! Go on!
Stop there!
I'll get you, you rotten little scoundrel!
Got the sack, didn't you?
You're a disgrace
to the family!
I'm sure your mother had you by some Italian!
To bed at once with no dinner, rotten good-for-nothing!
Eat, my son, but don't let your father see.
But be a good boy and find another job tomorrow.
Promise me in God's name.
I promise!
Good day.
Master, would you have a job for me?
I do happen to need a boy. I'll try you out.
Shine up those eggs.
Go on, shine 'em - and be careful!
Nice.
What have you done?
It's nothing.
How can that be?
It's truly a miracle.
This I have to see.
What a pity!
Goodness! I've made quite an omelet.
I have to step out for a moment. - Fine, Master.
You stay here and work, and serve my customers well.
Very well.
Come join our game.
Come on.
So I can join your game?
You dirty scoundrel! You're fired!
Better cast away the rotten apple before it rots all the rest!
You're right.
Evening.
Perkin, meet my wife.
She's a whore.
Perkin the Reveler...
we declare you under arrest.
Follow us to London jail,
where you'll await trial.
Geoffrey Chaucer!
Yes, my wife.
Grant the reward of virtue
Grant the deliverance of salvation
Grant eternal joy
Robin, let's go, quick!
Alison, if I can't have you now,
my passion for you will kill me.
You're crazy! Stop it!
Love me right now, or I swear I'll die!
Let me go, Nicholas...
or I'll scream!
Kindly keep your hands off me!
Alison, my love,
I don't just desire your body.
I love you with all my soul.
I'll be your servant, your slave, if you'll but love me a little.
In that case, if you swear it -
I swear!
- Then I'll give you my love. - When?
My husband is very jealous.
Guard your secret
or I'm as good as dead.
Then do as I say:
Bring me a basket with food for three days,
for I'll not leave my room.
Then do just as I tell you, and don't worry...
for any scholar has wasted his time who can't outwit a carpenter.
Once more!
Gather enough eggs, meat, vegetables, and fruit for three days.
Soften all that is rigid
Grant eternal joy
Time to go, Martin.
How do I look?
Alison, my love...
Master Gervase, don't you ever do anything but work?
At your age, I too liked to give all the ladies
my "benediction"!
Come on, Absalom, let's go!
Alison, you hear Absalom singing beneath our window?
Yes, John, I hear every note.
Is he that amorous parish clerk
who thinks only of decking himself out and making eyes at girls?
The very same.
They say he's careful in his speech
and squeamish about farts.
Sleep, husband.
You must be weary after your long journey.
Listen to that Absalom,
warbling like a nightingale.
Alison!
You sure you haven't seen our student all day?
I'm sure.
I sent Jill to inquire at his door, but there was no answer.
Robin, let's go up and see.
Help us, St. Frideswide!
He seems made of stone.
By St. Thomas, I feel sorry for our dear Nicholas.
I'll go inside
and shake him out of his meditations.
I promise you that!
May I come in?
May I?
Nicholas! What's the matter?
Look down! Think of our Lord.
I'll make the sign of the cross
to protect you from spirits and witches.
Jesus Christ and St. Benedict, protect this house.
Shall all the world be lost again so soon?
I'm not lying, John.
By my astrology I've learned that on Monday next
a rain will fall so furious and wild
that Noah's flood was only half as great.
Within an hour the world will be submerged
and all mankind will drown!
Is my poor wife to drown too?
Lord, my poor Alison too?
Is there no escape from this misfortune?
There is, by God!
Follow my advice and I promise:
I shall save her, you, and myself!
There's no time for dawdling!
Go get some large barrels,
one for each of us,
large enough to float in,
and bring food for a day too.
For the waters
will subside the next day at 9:00 a.m.
And send away your servants, Robin and Jill.
Hang the the barrels high from the roof,
where no one will see them.
And place an ax in each,
So we can cut the ropes when the water comes
and float like lords, safe and sound,
as did Noah and his wife.
You and your wife must keep well apart,
for woe betide any man
who commits carnal sin this night!
Now go forth to work, and Godspeed.
Quickly now, let's get aboard.
That's enough. Now hush!
Absalom.
Come here, quick!
The carpenter hasn't been seen all day,
his servants are in London,
and your chickadee's alone in bed.
Then I'll run there!
Let's go.
- Let me undress you. - No, I'll undress you!
- Show it to me. - You first.
I want to see it!
Show it to me.
You lucky devil, Absalom, off for a good screw!
Alison, it's me - Absalom.
What are you doing, my honeycomb?
Alison, my gentle flower,
my fair little bird, wake up.
Speak to me.
It's Absalom.
If you knew all the gifts he's tried to win me over with:
sweet wine and mead,
beer perfumed with spices,
the freshest fruit,
wafer cakes hot from the oven.
And since I'm a city girl, money as well.
My dear...
my thirst for love is so great
that I'm moaning like a turtledove.
Go away, you fool!
I love another more than you.
I know. True love is always ill-served.
But if I cannot hope for more,
give me just one kiss.
If I do, will you go away?
Certainly, my love!
Then get ready! I'm coming!
You'll die laughing.
My kiss, Alison.
Quick! The neighbors mustn't see.
I am a lord now, for after this I hope there will be more.
What have you done, Alison?
I swear by St. Thomas, you'll pay for this!
You'll pay for this!
- Master Gervase! - Absalom!
- What's happened? - Nothing.
Has some pretty girl brought you out on the trot?
Dear friend,
lend me that red-hot poker from the fire,
and I'll bring it back at once.
Surely! Take it!
But what for? - Don't worry?
I'll tell you tomorrow.
Alison, it's me again, your Absalom!
I'm back, my love. - What now?
I've brought you a gold ring my mother gave me.
It's beautiful.
It's yours for another kiss.
- Shall I take a turn now? - Yes!
Leave it to me.
Alison, aren't you coming?
Just a kiss.
Just one more kiss.
Speak, my little bird, so I know where you are.
There you are!
Water, for the love of God!
- Water! - My God, it's Noah's flood!
Husband, come on!
You know what we women are like.
We need our gossip.
It's one of our weaknesses.
The more you deny it to us, the more we want it.
Are you done yet?
Shh, my ass! I can't just lie here at your beck and call!
That's good.
Well?
Water!
Mary, bring some water for your master.
What a lovely ass.
Alice.
What is it?
Very nice!
Bitch!
My turn!
Ah, dear neighbor...
this is Master Jenkin, my new boarder.
He's a student at Oxford.
- Pleased to meet you. - The pleasure's all mine.
I think I've seen you somewhere before.
Who knows where?
He's a fine young stud,
but as all my husbands have told me...
I have the best little pussy to be found
in the entire city of Bath.
Still, dear, you're married, if I'm not mistaken.
Modesty aside, I'm never without plans for a marriage,
not to mention other things.
And if you want to know, I think it's silly
for a mouse to have only one hole to hide in.
If you like,
I've agreed to go to the procession with him tomorrow.
Oh, sweet husband,
beloved husband!
Why are you leaving me?
Never again...
I came here to speak to you, Jenkin.
Then speak.
You have enchanted me. It's useless to deny it.
That's right.
All night long I dreamed of you.
You tried to kill me
as I lay on my back,
and my bed was covered in blood.
You've enchanted me...
so you'll have to marry me.
Marry you? But I'm too young.
You see, my poor husband is croaking his last,
and all who know about such things agree
that my dream was a propitious one,
because blood...
means gold.
Alice, my hat!
Quick!
How do I look?
Let's go!
Jenkin, do you take this woman
for your wedded wife by the sacred rite of our Mother Church?
Alice, do you take this man for your wedded husband
by the sacred rite of our Mother Church?
And this is for my dearly beloved fifth husband
to pee in.
Jenkin...
I hope I won't regret giving you all the land and rent
bequeathed to me by the four
who went before you.
Everything's in this book.
And what might this "everything" be?
By St. Yoce!
It tells how Simplicius Gallus
left his wife for good
because he caught her once
peering outside bareheaded.
Eve, in her perversity,
has led all men to misery
and Christ to the cross.
And Xanthippe...
who poured a piss pot over Socrates's head,
and that silly man, wiped his head
and said only...
"Before the thunder ceases, down comes the rain."
Jenkin...
I hate people who dare tell me my faults,
like you think you can!
You turd! You bastard!
You swine!
You've killed me just to wallow...
in all my lands and money.
But I forgive you,
and before I die...
come give me one last kiss.
God curse me for what I've done.
Forgive me...
I beseech you, my dear.
Yes, I forgive you.
My nose!
Warden...
I'm sorry about this illness
that keeps me in bed
like a newborn babe.
What grieves me most is that Simkin the miller
will take advantage
and steal a hundred times more grain than before.
Warden, sir!
Since our manciple is dying -
Or looks to be about to -
May we have leave to go watch the miller grind our grain?
So you'd like to take on
this task, eh?
We bet our necks the miller won't manage to cheat us
by trickery or by force.
Very well. Go, good scholars.
It seems to me the only solution.
May the good Lord protect you.
How nice it is to gad about with fuck-all to do!
We're always locked up in school. Look how wide the world is!
You'd like a good screw, wouldn't you?
We're worse than monks, with our pricks always hard.
Ah, freedom!
Greetings, Simkin!
How goes it, Simkin?
How are your pretty daughter and your wife?
Not bad, it seems!
What a nice surprise:
two students instead of the manciple!
What brings you to these parts?
Our manciple is dying...
so we've come to grind our grain.
What will you do while I grind it?
I'll stand by the hopper and watch the grain go in,
for I've never seen the hopper go to and fro.
While you do that, I'll stand by
and watch how the meal falls into the trough.
For I am as bad a miller as John.
Then get your sack off the horse, lads, and bring it here.
- Who'll carry it? - Give it to me.
That's the way, lads.
Milling's a great trade, eh?
Make yourselves at home and get to work!
Start the sails.
We're ready.
They think they can't be tricked...
the simpletons.
For all their philosophy, I'll give them bran for flour.
The greatest scholars are not the wisest men.
The more clever they think they are, the more I'll rob them.
There you are, lads!
Done in a trice!
Interesting, the hopper!
Interesting how the trough works!
Christ almighty, our horse is gone!
- Our warden's horse! - Which way did he go?
He headed for the marshes, as fast as he could go.
That damned beast won't get away!
- Come on. - Why didn't you put him in the barn?
Bring me bran to fill half their sack with.
Wouldn't trust me, eh?
Look at them run. They need a little fun.
Dobbin, where are you?
Dobbin, leave the mares alone!
Idiot!
Good evening.
You're as wet and weary
as two creatures out in the rain, poor souls!
We caught the horse,
but we beg for hospitality, for the love of God.
And for money, of course.
Certainly. Perhaps with all your learning
you can turn my humble abode into a spacious mansion.
Cheer up! Have a drink with your old friend the miller!
Are you asleep, John?
Did you ever hear such a racket?
What an infernal concert!
The miller's snorting like a horse.
He wouldn't know if you stuck a tail and horns on him.
Who wants to sleep tonight anyway?
I'll be damned if I don't hump that wench!
After all, the law provides redress
for all the grain he stole from us.
The millers a dangerous man.
Don't wake him or he'll thrash us good.
To hell with him. He's not worth a flea.
What about me? You get revenge with his daughter,
while I lie here like a sack of potatoes?
When they learn of it at school, they'll call me a real fool!
Fend for yourself. But look what I've got here.
Well, what about mine?
Damn it, that hurt!
I have to pee or I'll burst.
Damn that cradle!
Where's that cradle?
Blast it all!
I almost got in the wrong bed.
Husband, you haven't been like this in years.
What's happened to you?
Shut up and get on with it!
Molly, my love,
my sweet, darling little pussy.
Bravo, husband!
Farewell, Molly. It's dawn and I can't stay,
but wherever I go, I'll always be your student.
Farewell, my love.
But one thing before you go:
When you leave the mill, behind the door on the right,
you'll find a loaf made of the flour
my father stole from you.
Go, and God protect you, my love.
John!
Wake up, sleepyhead, and listen to this.
I screwed the miller's daughter three times
while you lay here cowering.
Oh, did you, you filthy devil!
Help, John!
They're killing each other!
My husband!
Bye-bye, my love.
John, this was baked with our flour.
Why don't you just cut it off?
Bitch!
Come here.
Come on!
Slut!
You're on double time now.
- Just a minute. - What?
Tell me you're my queen.
I'm your queen.
My love...
my little pigeon...
my sweet little flower.
Saint Paul was right:
God shall destroy meat for the belly, and the belly for meat.
Ah, go to hell!
Cook, two fried eggs!
Take that, you old bag.
You were sent by the devil to light the fires of lust
and fan them with your whores!
Piss and shut up, why don't you?
You'll pay for your sin in eternal hellfire!
Wine is a lecherous thing,
and drunkenness brings misfortune.
You drunks!
Your faces are disfigured,
your breath sour, and your embrace foul!
You fancy yourselves like Samson!
But Samson never touched a drop of wine.
Read the Bible, cretins!
Ah, fuck off!
Rufus, go and piss on your whores' heads!
Now that I've preached against gluttony,
I must warn you about gambling.
Gambling is the father of lies and trickery, my friends,
of obscenity and blasphemy against Christ.
A prince who gambles loses his prestige as a ruler.
Make a note of it, you ignorant fools!
- Who died? - Hey, go ask
whose corpse that is, and come back and tell us.
No need to inquire, for I know already.
He was a dear friend of yours,
slain this very night as he sat drunk on a bench.
A thief named Death came and split his heart with his spear,
then left without a word. That's all I know.
It's true.
This Death - is he so dangerous?
I'll seek him out high and low!
Let us swear to be as brothers
and avenge our friend Rufus.
- We're brothers of the flesh! - That's right!
Get your knives out!
We'll scour the earth for the man who killed our friend.
I tell you, Death will die!
God be with you, gentle sirs.
Filthy wretch, why are you wrapped up like a friar?
Why do you live to such a great age?
Though I've traveled the world over,
and even been to India,
I can find no one who will agree
to exchange his youth
for my old age.
So, poor and wretched, I roam the world,
and morning and night I knock my staff on the ground
that holds my mother in its belly, and I say,
"Dear Mother, let me in.
When shall my bones at last lie at rest?
Mother, I'd give all my wealth
for that shroud you're wrapped in down there."
But she will not yet do me that grace.
Lads...
don't harm an old man,
as you would not have others harm you when you're old.
Let me go,
and God be with you on your way.
I must follow my own.
You'll not get off so lightly, by God!
Just now you spoke of one named Death.
I wager you're his spy.
Tell us where he is, or you'll pay for it.
You're in league with him to slay us young folk.
Very well. If you really wish to find whom you seek,
go down that path there.
I left the man you seek
in a grove there, under a tree.
See that oak?
You should seek him there.
May God be with you...
but also make you better lads.
From now on we can live as rich men!
But how can we carry it away in daylight?
We'd be taken for thieves and hanged for it!
One of us must go into town for bread and wine.
The other two will guard the treasure.
Then we'll carry it away after nightfall.
Dick is the youngest.
Good day.
Master Apothecary, I need poison to kill rats and a polecat
that's been eating all my chickens, damn its soul.
I will give you a poison - God save my soul -
so strong that anyone who takes but a speck
will die in minutes.
Hey, bread and three flasks of wine!
Hop to it! Run!
Hurry up, you little bastard!
Come on, damn it! I'm in a hurry!
Get a move on!
Right here!
Listen, Johnny.
We're sworn brothers.
Two men are stronger than one.
When Dick gets here, go to him
as if to struggle in jest, and I'll knife him.
We'll kill him and split the treasure.
Here's the wine, boys!
You made it! And about time too!
- Give it here. - Christ, I'm thirsty!
Dick, my love...
I've always said you're my best friend.
What a nice little ass you have!
Now let's eat, drink, and make merry. Then we'll bury him.
Wait.
What delicious cake!
Deus hic, dear Thomas.
May God reward you,
for here I've had many gifts and many a good meal.
My dear Thomas, I've heard
you've given things to other friars too.
Thomas, that's why you're ill:
You're disloyal. You gave oats to one convent.
To another, hens and geese.
No, Thomas, this will not do!
What's a treasure worth divided into many parts?
Nothing!
I can only give you what I have,
not what I don't have.
You always say you're my loving brother.
Yes, of course!
Then, since I'm dying,
I'll leave something to your holy monastery:
the most precious thing I have.
But you must swear
to share it equally among all the other friars.
Now, then: Put your hand down my back
and you'll find something I have hidden
right under my buttock.
Come on!
Where is it?
Right beneath my ass.
You hear?
Is your hand there now?
Then here it is!
What is it?
- You must come with me. - Where?
We're going to pay a visit to hell.
But why?
It's been decided by those who do as they like.
Ask no more.
My God!
Close your eyes, and don't open them.
One, two, three!
Hey, Satan...
lift your tail and show this fellow where you keep friars in hell.
HERE END THE CANTERBURY TALES...
TOLD ONLY FOR THE PLEASURE OF TELLING THEM